Just came back from a meditation retreat about a month and a half ago. I say "just got back" because time seems to be at a standstill because not too much has happened since then. This was my seventh ten day retreat I've completed of the Goenka tradition. Add that with a few three days, and serving six ten days and serving a three day, and I think it's safe to say I've spent an abnormal amount of time at meditation retreats for a soon to be 21 year old suburban American. I definately feel better after completing them, but at the same time feel like you have to sacrifice a great deal of time to these things which can take away from any goals and dreams you may wish to achieve, such as moving out of your parents house, being a master of your universe, pursuing material things such as sex and money. On the flip side, I've been able to maintain a daily practice fairly easily, easier than it has ever been with lots of sensations. That magic dhamma spark isn't quite there as strong as when you are at a retreat center with a guide in your presence, but it does appear from time to time. Unfortunately, since I haven't made any progress on things like getting out of my dad's house, I have come to just be a product of living there and have to incorporate that in to the meditation and just accept that any flaws I have in meditation cannot be fully worked out living in the presence of people who know nothing about it.
It is interesting to note that the total retreats I've done would be 7,6,3, which would equate to the number of a bus that runs through albany. An interesting note, although I'm not sure how much significance this has, perhaps a reflection of where I am at in life. A master of meditation, which could be seen as the vehicle, yet still broke and taking the bus in scummy Albany.
Also, when I took ayahuasca the first time in the beginning of may, I realized a tramendous power in it and the ability to let go of what I wanted, almost like a fast track along the path. The confidence that came with it didn't stay in it's entirety, but the knowledge of how much power you can get from it was a good building block to be aware of at such a young age. I was able to see myself as this king of the jungle, almost as a lion among a few other lions and just able to see other people's inner animal, albeit animosity. I'm not sure if ayahuasca and meditation are the answer without a job, because independence would certainly move things along for me right now.
However, I do see significant improvement in overal mental health so it is something that should be pursued. The alcohol that i consumed in college was not beneficial to my health I do not think.
Everything is bullshit and the light will illuminate all darkness. PEACE.
It is interesting to note that the total retreats I've done would be 7,6,3, which would equate to the number of a bus that runs through albany. An interesting note, although I'm not sure how much significance this has, perhaps a reflection of where I am at in life. A master of meditation, which could be seen as the vehicle, yet still broke and taking the bus in scummy Albany.
Also, when I took ayahuasca the first time in the beginning of may, I realized a tramendous power in it and the ability to let go of what I wanted, almost like a fast track along the path. The confidence that came with it didn't stay in it's entirety, but the knowledge of how much power you can get from it was a good building block to be aware of at such a young age. I was able to see myself as this king of the jungle, almost as a lion among a few other lions and just able to see other people's inner animal, albeit animosity. I'm not sure if ayahuasca and meditation are the answer without a job, because independence would certainly move things along for me right now.
However, I do see significant improvement in overal mental health so it is something that should be pursued. The alcohol that i consumed in college was not beneficial to my health I do not think.
Everything is bullshit and the light will illuminate all darkness. PEACE.
